Steven just emailed me this, headed \'John\'s Parrot\', which I opened because I do actually have a parrot sitting behind me:
John received a parrot which had a bad attitude and an even worse
vocabulary. Every word out of the bird\'s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird\'s attitude by consistently saying only polite words,playing soft music and anything else he could think of to \"clean up\" the bird\'s vocabulary.
Finally fed up, he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder and, in desperation, he grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Fearing that he\'d hurt the parrot, John opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out and said \"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions for which I\'m sincerely remorseful and for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.\"
John was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his attitude when the bird continued,
\"May I ask what the turkey did?\"
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The festive response would be "Now that's a cracker!", but trade descriptions forbids me from telling porkies. That was terrible!
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I had contemplated moving this to the current "Any motoring jokes?" thread, but as it is neither, I'll let it stand [purely because the boss posted it ;o) ]
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talking of parrots ....some of you may not have heard this splendid one:
Guy arrived home to find half ton of coal spread on his front lawn. Who cld hv done that? he wondered. I know, that parrott - clever s**, he's been on the phone again. Went indoors, grabbed the parrot out of his cage, pinned it against wall and threatened him with death unless he confessed. Didn't do it, didn't do it, insisted the hapless bird. You're a liar, screamed the owner. Went to get a hammer and nails, returned and pinned the parrot to the wall by his wings "until you confess".
Guy went out to start clearing up the coal. Parrot looked around the room, saw a crucifix on the oppsite wall and asked the bearded guy: How long you been there? 2003 years, came the reply. Jesus, how much coal did you order? says the bird.
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Pity you didn`t but I don`t want to be banned from site
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Well done HJ a good joke and a very good Christmas to you.
I have been coming here just about daily for 2 years or more and I am humbled by the opinions offered by the like of DVD. DL and MM (DL as was)plus of course the Mods.
This is a more or less unique site on the web and I hope it serves you well.
To all that lurk or post please continue to do so as I am truely additcted now,
A merry christmas one and all as they say
as ever
Mark
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Sorry MM should be DW (as was) too much wine I'm afraid
To all of you that bother to post keep doing so you make this the best site on the web.
as ever
Mark
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Merry Christmas everyone, we must be mad looking at the computer on Christmas Day, unless everyone else is asleep from dinner?
Merry Christmas
Autumnboy
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Have a peaceful Christmas from all at PU towers.
SWMBO has bought me a wide brimmed hat exactly like HJ's. Brilliant sense of humour that one ! It could be the recognition
symbol we were all after !
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I'm missing th epop-ups...
..nothing for at least 15secs...
If Mark is Mark from L.E., watch out for the Green R-reg XM estate in your neighbourhood for the next two days. It eats the bumps on Tamworth Road...
rg
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Merry Christmas to one and all (albeit 21 mins late). Well, have a happy new year anyway!
Still lurking.... ;-)
Lee.
--
Lee
MINI adventure in progress
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There was another parrot joke lurking around The Backroom a few years ago (specially cleaned up for the Backroom in case there are any ladies present). As I remember, a woman\'s pet parrot died, so she went to the pet shop to buy a replacement. \"Amazon Parrot £750,\" said the pet shop man. \"Can\'t afford that,\" said the woman. \"Okay, African Grey, £500,\" the pet shop man offered. \"Can\'t afford that one either\", said the woman. \"Don\'t you have anything cheaper?\" \"Well, I\'ve got one for £10,\" the pet shop man replied. \"But he\'s an ex-brothel parrot and he\'s got a filthy beak.\"
The woman bought the brothel parrot, and no sooner had she got it home the vicar called round. \"Who\'s this scrofulous old git,\" shrieked the parrot. \"I bet he\'s looking for another verger.\"
The vicar beat a hasty retreat.
Half an hour later the waman\'s mother was at the door. \"Who\'s this fat old slapper,\" shrieked the parrot. \"I\'ve seen less cellulite in a barrel of lard.\"
Exit, the woman\'s mother with words thhe effect, \"I\'ve never been so insulted in my life.\"
Then, round about six o\'clock, the woman\'s husband arrived home from work.
\"Hallo, Fred,\" said the parrot. \"You come here three times a week as well?\"
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