New Year is a time for predictions. So here is my guess at the top threads we will see in 2004; with some typical posts.
S**** C****** (yes, that\'s \"Safety Cameras\", which is on the swear filter for the simple reason that they are burger all to do with safety and everything to do with revenue - ND)
The police should spend less time trying to catch burglars - after all they have to pay for their drug habit and rarely hurt people(the burglars that is) They should concentrate on speeding motorists who are responsible for thousands of casualties!
Top Gear
Jeremy Clarkson and his dwarf accomplice should not spend so much time on mundane everyday cars. What we want is them showing off by demonstrating 4 wheel drifts in real supercars. That is far more relevant for the average motorist.
Optimax
I travel the same journey each week. When using Optimax it takes 1.5 tankfulls. Using Supermarket fuel I do the same journey on less than a tankfull, my acceleration is much better, the car is much quieter and I know the the supermarket additives will produce cleaner emissions.
However I do take heed of HJ\'s advice and I buy all my groceries from the local Shell garage.
Mobile Phones
I propose an amendment to the law. Hand held mobile phones should be legal if you are driving a 4 x 4 fitted with bull bars. After all in one of these you are not likely to hurt yourself if you hit a stupid pensioner who doesn\'t know how to use pedestrian crossings.
Moderating Policy
(From Mark RBLS) Thank you for your constructive criticisms of Backroom moderating policy. My fellow moderators and I have carefully studied the points you make and now appreciate the flaws in the \'small print\'. As you say we are all \"Men of the World\" and we should be more tolerant of profanity and swearing. Likewise with regard to \"free speech\" we now share your confidence that multi-national corporations will not sue us regardless of any slanderous comments we allow in the Backroom.
We will contact you by email when we lift your suspension from the site - but we are rather busy just now.
Any More?
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BMW drivers should be allowed to use any lane they choose on Motorway not just the outside lane.
People should recognise the new age Beemers for what they are - works of art not ugly at all.
Other marque owners should realise that indicators are just what they say they are a mere indication of the driection an average BMW driver may consider going so why use them at all ?
(Fireball that's another joke btw)
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Middle aged motorists will be restricted to 65mph and compelled to use the centre lane of three lane motorways at all times except when they wish to block the right hand lane and further impede the progress of the rest of the nation. If anyone has the audacity to pass them on the empty nearside lane they will be required by law to flash their headlights and feverishly search for paper and pen with which to write down the registration of the offending car which will have disappeared by the time they find their paper and pen.
All motorists who do not drive on business during the working days of the week will be compelled to fit a top box and bicycle rack to their car and/or hitch a trailer or caravan to the back of it before using the motorways at weekends.
Cardew will settle down to reading Autocar at all times when he is not working, eating, sleeping, going to the pub or making michief in The Backroom at www.honestjohn.co.uk
The only valid excuse for not using Shell Optimax and not gaining better performance or more miles per £ will be established to be that you drive a diesel.
Backroomers will learn to love pop-up ads.
HJ
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No Dosh will confess to having loads of moolah (bunce, wonga, readies, folding stuff) whilst suffering in silence each time his Alfa hiccups.
People who are flashed for surplus lighting of the fog variety will pull over and offer profuse thanks for having their error pointed out in such a courteous and polite manner.
Novas, Corsas and Saxos will be replaced by the four-door Ford Focus (in met. Gold by preference) as the boy-racer car of choice.
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Growler will decide that he really misses good old blighty and moves back, settleing down to a life of warm beer, poor service, women wearing clothes and driving a Fiat Stilo.
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I will lose my job due to lack of productivity as a result of the amount of time I spend reading this forum
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Ah work ! The curse of the drinking classes
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I predict:
A top scientist will discover that all BMW drivers share a common gene normally found in cats that sharpens senses and improves reactions. The scientific world announces this as the next evolutionary step for mankind and progress is made toward building an elite BMW-only road system with lots of twisty-turny bits in it. Realising “its not their fault” the public ‘U’-turn and sympathise, and set up a support fund to provide subsidised fuel and free shades.
All persons collecting a take-away curry will be permitted to display a blue flashing light as priority traffic and exceed the speed limit by a small margin, in order to get home before it gets cold. All those slow, learner or over-cautious drivers that ALWAYS insist on pulling out on me and leading me at snails pace to my front door, will have to find some other way to amuse themselves.
Happy New Year to all (but especially to those stay-at-homes)
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Stephen will supply us with an 'edit' (your own post) button so we can amend all our horrible typos and speeling mitsakes without having to become moderators.
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i predict there will be more 20mph speed limits popping up on the road and everyone doing 30mph in them, if there are 20 mph speed limits please do 30 as the police admit they dont really police it, http://www.thamesvalley.police.uk/faq/default.asp?Ac
tion=Q&ID=1
but topics well M25 Chaos when on 5th jan the widening starts for "2 years" more like 5 years
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Fuel prices will come down,
Speed cameras will be programmed to pull you over and say in a nice friendly voice "Please watch your speed sir", if they feel that issuing a FPN is not in the best interests.
Cockle will get a written apology and a years free fuel from that nice Express Fuel Station
The M6 Toll Road will have Happy hours
VED will not rise for the next 5 years
People will stop using hand held mobiles whilst on the move
...oh, and I'll get a job!
Hugo
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I have a joke about BMW driver`s when I find I will post.Good for a laugh.
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I predict that HJ's hat will not leave his head.
A safe bet that one.
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"BMW drivers should be allowed to use any lane.."
Only fair, as they own the roads.. :-)
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Illegitimi non carborundum!
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January: Ford announces that throughout the whole year, new cars will be supplied with a free sandwich, called DuraLunch
February: Ford launches a sponsorship scheme for disabled drivers, to be called DurAble
March: Ford fits all of-road vehicles with an emergency food supply, called DuRation
April: Ford sponsors a new privatised prison, to be called DuraCell
May: The Govt confirms that the new online court for motoring offences is to be sponsored by Ford, and called DuriesOuT
June: Ford hastily cancels plans to supply a free children's portable loo with family cars, after managers discover that the product name was chosen by the team responsible for marketing the company's 5-speed automatic transmission ...
July: Ford renames its components and accessories to remove all traces of the "Dura" prefix
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"May: The Govt confirms that the new online court for motoring offences is to be sponsored by Ford, and called DuriesOuT"
Sorry but they can't do that (They have no DURAstiction)
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June:
Ford announces a new sponsorship deal for its WRC rally team by healthcare product manufacturers SSL-International.
Team Durex
Bit obvious sorry!
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July:
Ford take on a "british airways" idea to paint all there car a different style, and have no car identical.
August:
Ford realize why BA stoped this as it was losing them money
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